Why God?

Why, God?

By:  Kandi Bahr

Why, God, do people hate your name? 

Why, God, do people, who don’t know you personally, use your name profanely; ‘God D***?’

Why, God, do people shout your name prior to an impending calamity, ‘O God!’

Why, God, does your creation deny Your existence?

Why, God, do people serve other gods and exalt them above You?

Why, God, do people think You can both love and hate them when You ARE Love!

Why, God, do people want to Lord over others if You aren’t really Lord?

Why do humans have an inclination to serve something much greater than their own existences? 

Why God, can a mother mammal nurture her offspring, yet human mothers neglect and injure their own children?

Why, God is there hatred towards one another? 

Why is there rebellion, death, disease, and pain? 

Why God, are You immediately accused for the things that are horrible and devastating to human lives?

Why, God, do many of these same people who blame You for these things say, “God is NOT real, there is no heaven nor hell.”

Why, God, on the brink of crisis does a prayer arise towards the heavens, “Why God?  Why do You hate me?”

Why, God, are the minds of such intellectual people so dumbed-down resisting a Creator and a Loving-Father above who wants to do only good for the human race?

Why are scientists and doctors praised when they release a new cure for a disease, yet You are cursed when the diagnosis is given?

Why, God, do people turn to You and turn away from You in the very same heartbeat?

Why, God can’t the scales of blindness fall from our eyes so all can see Your mysteries revealed?

God, I know You hear all of these cries, pleads, prayers.

God, I know when I cried out to You in confusion and said, “God, are You real?”  You answered me and allowed me to feel Your love, grace, mercy, acceptance.

The blinding scales fell from my eyes and mysteries were revealed to me.

Now my heart’s cry is to let Your love and light flow through my life so others can see You, know You, feel You, and truly See, Know, and Feel Your awesomeness.

God help me!  God help me with all the why’s of life.

I sit back and ponder and just cannot explain You with human utterance.  So, I ask that Your presence overtake my life and let others experience the Knowing of Your realness.

Wisdom to Me

Wisdom to Me

Many things come to mind when I say the word, “wisdom”.  Hmm…First thing that comes to mind is ‘Wisdom Teeth’…I think of an owl ‘wise old owl.’  I think of an elderly couple who have been married 50 plus years and have weathered many storms in their lives.  So what is wisdom to me?

Wisdom to me is going against the grain of sand.  It’s like a picture of the salmon swimming upstream instead of flowing with the current.  It’s being one who is willing to stand alone when you believe you are doing what is just and what is right, looking around, no one is left standing with you. 

Wisdom to me is standing up for what you believe is right and just even when everyone else’s opinion tells you something different.  Wisdom is pondering instead of speaking; Praying instead of reacting to a crisis.  Wisdom finds the good in every situation, knowing that God works all things out for His glory.  Wisdom tries to see the future, present, and past all in one glance and learns from each experience whether good or bad.  Wisdom takes mistakes and uses them to avoid future pitfalls. 

Wisdom to me is Esther, whom set out to be the best maiden she could be.  She asked for advice, listened to counsel, sought out ways to win the affection of the king.  She looked for the best in her dire situation and found a way to make the ugly into something beautiful.  She sought to get to know this pagan king by finding secrets to pleasing his heart.  In discovering the treasures of his heart, she fell in love with him.  Her meekness and devotion to her king and the King of Kings saved an entire race of people.

Wisdom to me is Joseph.  He forgave over and over again instead of seeking out vengeance.  He ran to His God instead of away from him.  He let the spirit of forgiveness wash over him and did not let unforgiveness take root in his heart.  Betrayal, accusation, and imprisonment did not keep him from being the best he could be in each of those situations.  The bitter became sweet and transformed into his training ground for ruling and reigning in authority over a nation.  His forgiving, kind heart saved the very ones who sought to murder him.

Wisdom to me is Paul and Silas who in the darkest hour, imprisoned, praised and prayed till they got the attention of heaven.  Heaven touched down and angels were dispatched to free them.  Praying and thanking the King of Glory even in the most hopeless of circumstances will indeed bring freedom.  Not only did they walk in freedom, but every prisoner alongside them had the opportunity to experience prison doors opening.  Touching the heart of the Father through praise and worship while wearing shackles brings a freedom that changes and shifts the atmosphere so much so other prisoners in your sphere can break free alongside of you.

Wisdom to me loves unconditionally…Loving the unlovable.  Loving your enemy, loving your persecutors, accusers.  Loving those who bring the most pain into your life.  Loving unconditionally the way that Jesus loves me.  I was unlovable to a Holy God.  I was His enemy.  I accused him of being unloving and uncaring.  I persecuted him when I blatantly ignored him and made fun of His children.  I brought so much pain into His life, that I caused nails to pierce His hands and feet and a crown of thorns to gouge into his head.  How could I ever exalt myself above the unlovable?  Even though it feels like the ones who put me in shackles and chains do not deserve my love and forgiveness, wisdom says, love and forgive anyways.  Why?  Because Love covers ALL.  Love will never fail.  It will always win.  Sure, love is certainly LONG SUFFERING.  It has to BEAR ALL things.  It doesn’t keep a RECORD of every evil intention towards me. 

Wisdom tells me that while I was yet in sin, Jesus died for me.  He loved me while I was nailing Him onto the cross.  If I am made in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit’s image, then I must see their reflection inside of me.  Jesus is LOVE.  God is LOVE.  Holy Spirit is Love.  I must love.  I must not give up on loving the unlovable.  I must not give up on my enemies.  Love allows my enemy to hurt me and I forgive.  Love allows me to look past their actions and see a heart that is broken and hurting; a heart that desperately needs to find their true identity in the one who has purchased my life.  I must have compassion on my enemy and know that my prayers for them will avail much.  I must know that my words and declarations can change stony hearts into hearts of flesh. 

Wisdom tells me that just as Christ will never forsake me, never leave me, and never abandon me.  I must be that to enemies of God and enemies to me.  I am thankful that Christ loves me for all eternity.  I am so thankful that His love will never run out on me.  I am thankful for His undeserving, unmerited grace.  I must let Christ rule and reign in me and I must extend undeserving, unmerited grace to others. 

Wisdom tells me that He holds my life in His hands

Word Vows by Kandi Bahr

Word Vows by Kandi Bahr

Day 14 of 21 - Ask and I'll give you the nations

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among you. - Isaiah 60:1

I had a dream on January 8, 2013 of a bird.  I believe that bird represented me.  Before I had that dream, I would always picture myself three ways.  1) As a bird locked in a cage, never able to use the wings God gave me.  2) As a butterfly that had been transformed from a caterpillar but stuck inside a jar with a lid on top; never being able to use my new wings to fly. 3) As a fish stuck in a fishbowl.  Knowing, I was created to swim in the depths of God's word, but I was trapped in this fishbowl.

I know that God is going to use my life in ways I cannot even begin to comprehend.  I had a prophetic word given to me:  "If you ask me, I will give you the nations; all the people on earth will be yours."  Psalm 2:8 (NCV)

I had never even thought of asking for the nations before.  However, I would picture myself going to remotes parts of the world and loving God's people.  Holding orphans, playing with children and seeing people get saved, healed, delivered and set free.  That has ALWAYS been a part of my deepest desires and dreams.  But ya know, life happens...dreams fade...desires wane and you lose yourself in daily life.  You lose those things that used to get you so excited because your hope begins to defer and you get heartsick, so you stop dreaming big dreams.  When the Lord spoke His word to me thru the mouth of a prophet...It awakened something sleeping inside of me.  "Wow, Lord, you have called me to the nations.  You just told me to ask you for the nations.  I've never done that before." 

I sat at Heidi Baker's feet one time at a conference.  I looked into her eyes and saw the love of Jesus just radiating from her.  Every word she spoke was so heartfelt.  She loved her life in Africa.  She loved her orphans.  She embraced the radical call of God on her life with such zeal and relentlessness.  She told stories of how she and her orphans believed for multiplication and they would see it manifest.  She spoke of how when ministering to Muslims they began stoning her and the orphans; Holy Spirit told her to ask if anyone was deaf and wanted to hear?  God healed a Muslim man who came forward. It caused all the rocks to fall from the enemy's hands and radical salvations took place in the camp that day. These stories stirred my heart.  We were meant for so much more. 

At another conference my friend turned around and told me, "You're going to India!"  I laughed at her and said, "Alrighty then!"  I didn't have ANY desire whatsoever to go to India.  Since then, however, God has put a love in my heart for Indians.  I will never say never.  The Lord told me to ask for the nations. 

Another time, I was at a ladies' retreat with a bunch of church ladies and one of the women had an encounter with Holy Spirit.  She was literally speaking Chinese.  Although, none of knew the Chinese language, we all had a KNOWING, our friend was speaking that language.  When her encounter with the Lord was over, she looked at me and said to me, "You and I were singing together to the Chinese."  It's interesting when I pray in my prayer language; sometimes I feel like it's Chinese.

These are but a few of the instances in my life where something greater awaited me on the other side of using my wings to fly. I know why those three metaphors always spoke to me.  I was made for a great purpose and it was so much larger than me...it was so much grander than anything I could ever imagine.  Every season of our lives is vital...How we navigate through the various season, what we sow our time and energy into during those seasons is imperative to future harvests. 

For 20+ years, I was 'called' to be a mommy.  That was my primary destiny in life.  I dedicated myself to my children.  I sowed my life into them.  There was no greater calling in my life than to train them up in the ways of the Lord.  I fell seven times daily.  I would cry myself to sleep telling God to forgive me for blowing it so badly that day.  I continually poured myself out like wax as I interceded for my children's destinies, purposes, future spouses, etc. I truly lost myself during those early child-rearing years.  I stayed hidden in the Lord and it was what I was supposed to do.  I am so thankful and grateful that I was my children's primary source of influence during their imprinting ages.  I can look back and have no regret on how God guided me how to mother them.  Remember, I didn't have a mother.  I didn't know how to do this thing called 'parenting'...However, Holy Spirit, my counselor, friend, mentor, mother,father, all in all...spoke to my heart and would gently guide me and teach me how to love without conditions...how to nurture...how to teach....how to disciple...how to impart....how to be a Godly influence in their lives.  God placed Godly mother's into my life, as well.  I observed and was able to glean from their wisdom and experiences.  I had the experiences of life from my own childhood as a guide of 'what not to do.'  God has been so faithful to me.  My children are so amazing!  I am so truly blessed. 

As they grew chronologically, I began feeling that mandate to the nations once again.  Thus, the wings not being used.  The scales, fins, and deep water equipment never being tapped into caused me to really moan and groan for more of God's purpose to reach the nations. 

When I watched "Finding Nemo" with my kids, I could so relate to those oceanic fish trapped inside that stupid aquarium.  Nemo experienced the dangers of the wide-open ocean life and lost his entire family except Marlin.  Nonetheless, when their freedom was taken away from them, they'd rather have died trying to escape their aquatic prison than to live in bondage for the rest of their lives. 

So here was my dream:
Dreamt there was a colored-bird (rainbow) like a parrot or Conure in our livingroom upstairs.  Someone was trying to catch it, but it would freak out when that person would go near it.  It would smash itself against the ceiling/wall and fall.  It would get back up and try to get away from this person.  It kept freaking out when that person would try to catch it.  I told the person he was approaching the bird wrong.  I had been observing the person's approach and felt terrible for the poor bird.  I didn't want it to kill itself or get seriously injured.  The person thought I was wrong or that I couldn't approach the bird any better.  I knew I could catch the bird!  The person challenged me and said, "Then do it!" 

I began talking to the bird.  The person left the livingroom and went into the kitchen.  I spoke to the bird saying, "Calm down pretty bird."  The bird calmed down.  The bird began repeating what I spoke to it.  I began making kissing and whistling sounds and the bird repeated me.  The bird changed colors and species.  It became white and was a cockatoo.  I held my finger out and told it to come and perch on my finger.  It came and tried to land on my finger but was off balance from hitting the walls and ceiling.  It had become off balance from crashing and trying to escape that person.  I caught it and began holding it like a baby.  Everything I said to it, it repeated.  I rubbed the bird behind its head and it loved that.  I heard the person talking to another person on the phone in the kitchen.  The person was telling the story of how we now had a pet bird because I was able to tame it.  The person admitted they tried to catch the bird but couldn't.

The interpretation of the dream.  I am the bird.  Holy Spirit is me in the dream.  The bird was colorful (creative, artistic)...It kept seeking freedom from the four walls of the livingroom.  It was captured and fearful.  It kept trying to escape.  Everytime that person approached the bird (me), a fear, sense of dread, mistrust caused the bird to FREAK out and become OFF BALANCE.  It continually HURT itself trying to ESCAPE the person.  In the times that me (Holy Spirit) would speak to the bird (me), it would calm down.  Holy Spirit would say, "calm down. You're a pretty bird."  I would repeat what Holy Spirit spoke to me and I would calm down.  As Holy Spirit made kissing sounds...they were kissing sounds of peace, love, protection, comfort. (Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, 1 Peter 5:14).  I repeated those sounds back...in agreement that I was covered in perfect peace. 

God was whistling over me.  It calmed my spirit.  I felt safe. He was redeeming me; restoring me. "I will whistle for them to gather them together, For I have redeemed them; And they will be as numerous as they were before.( Zechariah 10:8)

He will also lift up a standard to the distant nation, And will whistle for it from the ends of the earth; And behold, it will come with speed swiftly. (Isaiah 5:26)

Notice as the colorful bird calmed down and was covered in the peace of God, it turned into a new creation.  It was no longer a colorful Conure, but now a white Cockatoo

 Holy Spirit ascended upon Jesus in the form of a WHITE dove.  (Matthew 3:16)

The white represents: peaceful, calming, soothing, redeemed, cleansed, purified (White as snow -white as wool - Isaiah 1:18).  Holy Spirit comforted my spirit.  Holy Spirit spoke, I repeated...comforting a friend; I became content and teachable. I was a little off balance from the traumas suffered prior, but I eventually regained my composure through the gentle encouragement of Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit is to be to us today what Jesus was to His disciples, Jesus taught them, "This is the way you should go."when they deviated from that way, He said, "Stop! Woe be unto them.  Satan, get off them!"

Jesus said to His disciples, “Stumbling blocks [temptations and traps set to lure one to sin] are sure to come, but woe (judgment is coming) to him through whom they come! Luke 17:1 (AMP)

This bird felt trapped and the person trying to catch it became a stumbling block to the bird.  The person didn't believe in Holy Spirit's ability to transform and peacefully calm the bird down.  The person didn't believe and walked away from the situation.  It was then Holy Spirit had his way to move onto the scene and draw near with peace and comfort and grace.

Jesus said to them, "You faithless people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." (Mark 9:19)

Just as the disciples tried to set the boy free, they had no authority, no power, they didn't believe.  After Jesus rebuked them for their unbelief, He showed the disciples how it's done...He set the boy free!

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns." (Matthew 16:23)

Notice how Jesus, address the spirit operating through Peter...YOU ARE A STUMBLING BLOCK TO ME!  Peter was walking in his flesh and spoke accordingly.  Holy Spirit corrects us by gently convicting our hearts the same way as Jesus spoke the truth to the masses.  Holy Spirit opens our eyes and spirit-man to listen and obey...He leads us, guides us, directs us, and as we repeat what Holy Spirit speaks to us, we begin to become a new creation; completely transformed.

Kingdom of God come

God pour out Your Glory

Pour out Your POWER

Opens Doors of Utterance of

Great & Mighty Influence

Divine Favor

Be yielded in prayer and in speaking to the people of the Lord.  If we will yield ourselves to Holy Spirit, God will turn Heaven and Earth upside down to answer our cries and prayers.

5'As for the promise which I made you when you came out of Egypt, My Spirit is abiding in your midst; do not fear!' 6"For thus says the LORD of hosts, 'Once more in a little while, I am going to shake the heavens and the earth, the sea also and the dry land. 7'I will shake all the nations; and they will come with the wealth of all nations, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the LORD of hosts.  Haggai 2:5-7

Holy Spirit had set the off-balanced bird free of anxiety, trauma, stress, self-woundedness, self-affliction of pain...Whom the son sets free is FREE indeed. (John 8:36)

On January 18, 2014, a friend had a word for me.  I believe it confirmed this dream I had about me being the bird.  She said, You are an unusual Songbird.  You are a Songbird!  Not just a bird, but a bird with many colors.  Blue on your wings with a white stripe on it and a purplish head.  You are of an UNUSUAL kind; not of the usual. 

Haha, she didn't even know I had a dream about a colorful bird. 

Mizpah: Day 1 of 21 - What is a Mizpah? Let go!

Mizpah: Day 1 of 21 - What is a Mizpah? Let go!: Arise & Shine for the glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1 Day one of 21 of my Daniel Fast, I would like to s...

Day 1 of 21 - What is a Mizpah? Let go!

Arise & Shine for the glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1

Day one of 21 of my Daniel Fast, I would like to share a journal entry dated:

October 5, 2015

I am fasting for breakthrough in my life.  I am fasting to hear you, O Lord.  I am desperate to hear from Heaven.  I was determined to have a visitation from my Lord.  I started soaking in God's presence as I laid down on the floor of the church.

I was seeking the Lord.  I was telling my soul to be still...I waited...I listened. 

I began hearing, "You have been walking on eggshells.  You have a broken heart.  It's like a green-stick fracture in a bone.  My heart has been like a green-stick fractured bone.

I began to see a broken heart.  It was cracked right down the center.  I heard the Lord say, "You have only been functioning in half hearted mode instead of whole-heartedness.  Tears began flowing and I drew what I was seeing in my journal.  It's similar to the picture below minus the people...but it has the same exact meaning.

                   Mark 10:8

I began to hear the words:  "Let go my soul and trust in Him.  The waves and wind still know His name." -Kristen DiMarco

I began praying to the Lord and decreeing to my soul:

--Redeem my writing                                     ----Restore Creativity

--Redeem my dancing                                    ----Restore me to WHOLENESS

--Redeem my dreaming                                  ----REDEEMING POWER OF GOD

--My gifts have laid dormant.                              break off my chains.

"It will be scary to get out of the place of dormancy, but on the other side is Glory." -Sheila

I will Follow You, Lord!  I will Trust You!

I had gotten a prophecy from Ivan Allum from June 2008...He spoke this to me:

You know, when you came up here, honey, I kept seeing this word and I want you to know that the Lord is taking it off right now.  But the word was ‘doormat.’  The Lord says, dear, “I’m breaking that off of you.  That’s not gonna be there after today; amen. 

A day is like a thousand to the Lord.  I believe that word was for this very day of great revelation and understanding.  When I heard the word dormant...I also heard doormat

I had been dormant in my call and destiny from God because I had allowed myself to be a doormat in the midst of my brokenness.  Wow! Thank you, Father, whom the son sets free is FREE indeed!

The Lord spoke other things into my spirit...I left that day and I just couldn't shake off that picture of the broken heart.  The next morning I woke up and began seeking and praying and talking to the Lord.  The word 'mizpah' dropped into my spirit.  I said back, "Mizpah?"  So I went and did a word search on Mizpah.  Guess what it took me to?

Dude!!!  It's a broken heart!  I sat there and was like, 'whoa!'  Ya know, when you set yourself apart and consecrate your time to the Lord and set your heart towards understanding and seeking his will for your life, he is so faithful to bring the wisdom and knowledge needed for that season in your life.  In doing a search on the word MIZAH, I went to Wikipedia. This was the entry for the word.

Mizpah is Hebrew for "watchtower." As mentioned in the Bible, it marked an agreement between two men, with God as their witness.

Jacob had secretly fled the house of Laban, his father-in-law, in the middle of the night, taking flocks of animals, all his other assets, and his two wives and their children (the daughters and grandchildren of Laban) with him, intending never to return. Laban discovered this and pursued Jacob. After discussion, the two decided to formalize the separation.

Laban admitted that his daughters had voluntarily left, saying "(W)hat can I do to these daughters or to the children which they have bore?" (Genesis 31:43). He agreed to let Jacob go in peace, but exacted a promise from Jacob to never abuse his daughters or take additional wives (Genesis 31:50).
The two men then determined to erect a watchtower, a Mizpah, to commemorate this promise, even though no person was present other than the two men when it was made, for "God is witness between you and me." Both of the men also agreed that they would consider the mizpah a border between their respective territories, and that would not pass the watchtower to visit one another "to do evil" (Genesis 31:52).

Since that time, the mizpah has come to connote an emotional bond between people who are separated (either physically or by death). Mizpah jewelry is often made in the form of a coin-shaped pendant cut in two with a zig-zag line bearing the words "The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another" (Genesis 31:49). This is worn to signify the bond. Additionally, the word "mizpah" can often be found on headstones in cemeteries and on other memorials. From Genesis 31:49 of the Bible

And Mizpah; for he said, The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.

Let's reflect on Jacob and Laban's Mizpah agreement.  Laban had tricked Jacob.  Jacob labored for him for seven years.  He was then deceived into marrying Rebecca.  Jacob loved Rachel.  He agreed to labor for Laban another seven years for Rachel.  After 14 years, Jacob married Rachel.  Laban had proved himself to be a man lacking integrity and full of trickery.  So Jacob, also known as a supplanter, skipped out on Laban; denying him of his daughters and grandchildren.  Jacob wasn't going to return...Laban decided to pursue Jacob...Laban eventually overtook Jacob.

Read the entire chapter in Genesis 31 to get the full story of why Jacob fled Laban. 

Genesis 31:44-50 ESV -⁴⁴ Come now, let us make a covenant, you and I. And let it be a witness between you and me.” ⁴⁵ So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. ⁴⁶ And Jacob said to his kinsmen, “Gather stones.” And they took stones and made a heap, and they ate there by the heap. ⁴⁷ Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha,^[d] but Jacob called it Galeed.^{[e] 48} Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore he named it Galeed, ⁴⁹ and Mizpah,^[f] for he said, “The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another's sight. ⁵⁰ If you oppress my daughters, or if you take wives besides my daughters, although no one is with us, see, God is witness between you and me.”

Genesis 31:49 (KJV)-And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.

Mizpah = "watchtower"

the Lord (watch) -tsaphah-to look out or about, spy, keep watch, observe, watch

God is our witness...God is our protector.  He is our kinsman redeemer.  I knew that I knew he was keeping watch over my heart.  He was covering me and keeping me covered under the shadow of His wings. 

Psalm 34:17-19 -17The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.…

Father,
I let go of Disappointment
I let go of Setbacks
I let go of Resentment
I let go of Failure
I let go of Loss
I let go of Limitation
I let go of regret
I let go of stagnation
I let go of mindsets

Fine-tune me Lord.  It's time to rise above hurdles, even if it's stepping over them slowly.  They will not stop me from pushing forward with Courage and Hope.  I will step over obstacles one by one, not looking back.  Slow and steady with grace and mercy.  I will rise above road blocks and great divides. I will be stretched but if I only believe I can, I will.  I bless those who curse me.  I love those who hurt me.  Mercy and grace be upon their heads. 

Day 11 of 21 - Princess and the Pea

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1

"The Princess and the Pea"is a literary fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen about a young woman whose royal identity is established by a test of her physical sensitivity.

The story tells of a prince who wants to marry a princess, but is having difficulty finding a suitable wife. Something is always wrong with those he meets, and he cannot be certain they are real princesses because they have bad table manners or they are too fat or thin or not beautiful. One stormy night a young woman drenched with rain seeks shelter in the prince's castle. She claims to be a princess, so the prince's mother decides to test their unexpected, unwitting guest by placing a pea in the bed she is offered for the night, covered by 20 mattresses and 20 feather-beds. In the morning, the guest tells her hosts that she endured a sleepless night, kept awake by something hard in the bed that she is certain has bruised her. The prince rejoices. Only a real princess would have the sensitivity to feel a pea through such a quantity of bedding, so the two are married. The pea is placed in the Royal Museum and, unless it has been stolen, can still be seen today.

When I was a little girl, this story used to be one of my favorites.  I lived in a fairytale world most of the time.  It was where I found  my escape and happiness.  I could become anyone I wanted to be as I read the words of stories.  I could become the main character who was loved, treasured, valued, wanted, taken care of.  I loved to read.  It opened up a world to me that let me live without the darkness that continually surrounded me.

I would study the pictures in the stories or paintings on walls.  I would imagine myself in the setting of the scene displayed.  It was like I Ski Dooed into the picture on the wall or in the book and I'd be the main character in the scene.  Exactly the way Blue's Clues does.

Steve would jump right into the picture and begin to live in that setting.  I did that way before Blue's Clues was ever a show.  It was a coping mechanism I developed to stay in a happy place, in spite of.

I didn't have parental nurturing and love.  My mom was a broken mess and could barely take care of herself.  My father was absent...I would identify with most Princess storylines.  The princess had a father who loved her, but he had died or she was kidnapped or whatever story plotline a princess story portrayed.  This particular story about a princess who had been wandering outside...cold, alone, hungry, drenched outside in the midst of a storm...I so identified with her.  She was invited into the prince's home but had to prove her worth, her value.  Her identity hidden from her rescuers.  They didn't believe she was really a princess.

It's amazing to me now as I look back how I just KNEW I was a princess.  I was a warrior princess.  Every battle I faced, every war that raged over my life, somehow, I made it through.  I knew I had destiny...I knew someone loved me...I knew I had a place of belonging, but most of my life I was as this princess, searching, wandering, seeking shelter.

When the princess was invited into the prince's house, she had to prove her identity to the royal family.  She was tested.  They knew that if she was 'sensitive' to the touch of a tiny pea under a bunch of mattress and feathers, her royal identity would be established.  Only a REAL princess would have the SENSITIVITY to feel the HARDNESS of the hidden pea.  The princess had a sleepless night.  The pea had bruised her.

As a little girl, I wanted to be offered a bed made of 20 mattresses and 20 feather-beds so I could be up high and safe from the predators in my life.  I longed for a safe haven, a strong tower, a mighty fortress to sleep on.  A place where no one could reach me or touch me.  I felt the hardened hearts so full of evil as they victimized me.  I knew I would pass the test.  I knew that if a tiny pea was placed under my mattress, I would also have bruises on my body.  My heart was so bruised.  The pea would only verify the bruising my spiritual body braved each sleepless night I endured.

I used to get earaches all the time.  My grandma was my only caretaker and worked two jobs.  I laid in bed and cried and cried and cried...No one came.  No one comforted.  I finally cried myself to sleep.  When my grandma was home and she would hear me crying she came and poured a bottle of warm oil into my ears and told me I'd feel better and leave.  I'd still cry myself to sleep.  As an adult, a doctor looked in my ears and said, "You have a lot of scarring around your ear drums, you must have had a lot of ear aches and fluid in your ears as a child."  I thought, "YOU THINK!" 

I'm on day 11 of this Daniel Fast.  God is cleansing my heart of things I didn't even realize still had residue in there.  This comforts me knowing my King, my Lord and Savior, always encouraged me and walked with me.  Even though my family and their choices pretty much left me an Orphan Annie...'It's a hard-knock life' kinda girl, the King was always knocking at the door of my heart.  He was always waiting for me to open it and say, please come in....He was always waiting for me to find shelter in his presence.  Just like the princess in this story.  It was in the storm she sought shelter with the royal family.  Unfortunately, the storms of life let us begin looking at life a little differently.  It is a hidden blessing when the hard-knock rains of life begin to flood us and drench us.  We become a little more desperate.  A little more open to the offer of entering into a safe place and being rescued.

Even now, the hardness of dried-up-hearts bruise me.    I overflow with the goodness and mercy of God....I just want others to do the same.  He's so faithful, loving, near and present in my life.  What causes a hardened heart?  Pride, arrogance, rebellion, obstinacy, stubbornness.

I am easy going and have learned to go with the flow...similar to the raft in this picture.  The storms of life have taught me to go with the flow...The waves of life are unpredictable.  You can't CONTROL every circumstance in your life.  If God answers a prayer; Rejoice...If He doesn't answer it the way you think He should, Rejoice in the fact, HE IS STILL GOOD...HE IS STILL GOD!

But because you are stubborn and refuse to turn from your sin, you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself. For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.  Romans 2:5 (NLT)

Humility is the opposite of Pride and Arrogance.  It's okay to be wrong.  It's okay to be imperfect.  It's okay not to know what the ending will be.  It's okay to trust in a source higher than yourself.  My King...My Lord...guides me, leads me, teaches me, disciplines me, and loves me.  I am truly a princess.  I am truly destined for royalty.  I always knew it...even as a little girl...It's amazing how missing pieces to the puzzle fit into place and the picture gets more detailed and relevant to your life.

Mizpah: Day 10 of 21 - Ummm? That's NOT Good Will!

Mizpah: Day 10 of 21 - Ummm? That's NOT Good Will!: Arise and Shine for the glory of the Lord has risen among you. Isaiah 60:1 I met a friend for a lunch date.  We visited for several hours....

Day 10 of 21 - Ummm? That's NOT Good Will!

Arise and Shine for the glory of the Lord has risen among you. Isaiah 60:1

I met a friend for a lunch date.  We visited for several hours.  I had some errands to do afterwards.  One of the errands was to drop a box off at Good Will.  I had prepared an envelope with a check for a dr. inside.  It was sealed, signed, addressed.  It only needed a stamp on it.  It was so cold that day.  I hastily grabbed the box for Good Will, the envelope, some water bottles, my purse and went out the door. 

After lunch, I went shopping and froze while loading the groceries into the car.  Good Will was my next stop.  I grabbed the open box of items I was donating and handed it to the collection attendant.  Went home, unpacked my groceries, and left again to pick up my son from practice.  Along the drive I began pondering.  Hmm...did I complete my goals for the day?  I did this...check.  I did that....check.  Did I mail my envelope?   NOPE!  Wait.  Where is it?  O no, it was inside the Good Will box...I held them both together when I got into the car...and forgot to grab it. 

I was chasing all the crazy thoughts in my head of what I needed to do next.  Rationally, however, I had to pick my son up first, and do a few of his requested errands.  It was only two hours since the drop off.  It was a sealed envelope.  It was an addressed envelope to a doctor.  Surely, the Good Will; will show me Good Will in doing the right and proper thing with my envelope.  It had my name and address on it.  It was being sent to a DOCTOR! 

We walk into the Good Will, I see a familiar face and I tell her what happened.  She was like...hmm let me go into the back and see if they found it.  I feel a sudden need to pray for Justice and Integrity. As I'm praying, I hear a voice echo from the closed doors, "the one with the CHECK in it."  Whoa, wait a minute.  How would they know there was a 'check in it' unless they opened my sealed envelope that I had dropped off there only two hours prior?  Now, I'm getting mad...Wait a second...what would I have done?  I would have tried to look up the return address to contact the person sending this sealed envelope to a doctor.  I would have wanted it in a safe place in case the donor came back looking for it.  I would have NEVER had the gull to immediately open someone else's mail. 

I saw a man with another person following him and I had a KNOWING he was the store manager.  Our eyes locked...The next thing I know, the girl flies past me.  She didn't see me shadowing her.  I hear her say to that man I had assumed as the manager, 'Where the check?'  He then glanced at me...and they all turned to me because the girl didn't know I was standing directly behind her.  His eyes and my eyes locked again...and I began 'reading his mail.'  I felt like he was guilty of something...I felt he began to be convicted of something.  She asked him again...'Where's the check?'  He replied, "What are you talking about?"  The girl said, "they just handed it to you." The manager said, 'I don't know...let's go see.'  All three of them went to the back again.  I was like...whoa...wait a minute here.  He's lying.  He's thieving...The check was endorsed for the doctor.  I began praying for a conviction upon his heart to do the right thing.  I began praying that whatever he was planning to do with that check, his plans would falter, if his intention wasn't righteous.  

The next thing I know...the girl comes out and says, "They just shredded your check."  I'm looking at her in SHOCK!  I was not processing this protocol of unrighteousness.  I just dropped the box off two hours prior and in that amount of time, they opened my mail, and shredded my check!  Are you serious?  The girl said to me, "At least you have the peace of mind knowing the check was shredded and no one can go cash it."  She then proceeded to say, 'If you would have gotten here just 15 minutes sooner, they wouldn't have shredded it.'  I began filling with an indignation...like, this is NOT good will...This is not Righteous.  You didn't even give me a day to come and claim my check before you so nicely 'shredded it."  'If I would have only gotten here 15 minutes sooner!  Are you seriously saying that to me right now?'

"Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those who have his good will!"  Luke 2:14

I will chose to walk in God's Good Will so I can have Peace.  This is my take on the spiritual aspect of this happening.  I believe the girl that was assisting me was my 'justice.'  She went in there on behalf of me as she looked for my envelope. As 'justice' searched the truth of the matter out.  She insisted that justice prevail.  I feel like that manager was going to cash that check and pocket it.  I feel that his intentions were impure.  He had no intention of shredding that check...But as 'justice' prevailed, he suddenly had the check 'shredded.'  God did go before me with justice leading the campaign of truth in the darkness.
 

I feel the need to contact Good Will and speak to Human Resources about this 'protocol' to see if it's a normal procedure to open people's mail and offering no grace period to claim their sealed mail if it's accidently misplaced in their donation.  Every bit of this story is 'off' to me. 

I contacted the issuer of the check and had a 'stop payment' on it and another reissued for the doctor...That was a lot of extra distractions I had to do in exchange for a Good Will donation. 

Let me tell you what my expectation of the story's ending would have been. 

About sixteen years ago, I kinda did the same thing.  However, this time I wasn't even aware that I had misplaced a sealed envelope into my donation.  I was totally unaware that I had left a hidden surprise in my donated items.  I donated to the Thrift Store that is in my local community.  This Thrift Store is ran by a unified group of ministries to help the needy in our community.  I had three children at that time...They were all little. One day I got a knock at my front door.  I opened to find a stranger I had never met handing me a sealed envelope with my son's name on it.  She went on to explain that when they were going through the donations, they had found this.  They saw there was an address on it and wanted to return it to the address. 

Not only did they set the sealed envelope to the side...They brought it to my house.  I had forgotten completely about this sealed envelope.  I opened it up.  Guess what was in there?  A $400 bond that I had purchased for my son's birthday.  I must have gotten the mail...and it must had slipped into the container I was donating without me even realizing it fell out of my hands.  When you have three little kids running around...everything is on fast forward...fast happenings...a blur!

I was so honored and humbled that the Lord kept my child's inheritance safe in the hands of people full of honor and integrity.  I would have never known this was even robbed from him.  But, God in his great mercy, rebuked the devourer from it.

So, in my naivety, I assumed we would have a righteous ending at the Good Will...instead, it was NOT Good Will.  I pray for that man who thought it was okay to open someone else's mail and shred someone else property without even an effort to contact the owner or a gracious waiting period of even one day to see if someone would claim it. 

There were definitely other life lessons I learned through this experience.

Luke 6:27-36 (ESV)
²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. ²⁹ To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic^[b] either. ³⁰ Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. ³¹ And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
³² “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. ³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ³⁶ Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.